Couples I've married · Minister/Officiant · Weddings

Who is accountable…

… for starting the ceremony on time?

  • The musician?
  • The DJ?
  • The florist?
  • The officiant?
  • The wedding coordinator?
  • The wedding planner?
  • The photographer?
  • The event rental company?
  • The security?
  • The couple?
This is not the venue mentioned in this article
Prior to a wedding at Forsyth Park; this is not the venue mentioned in this article

Recently a bride was extremely upset with me because five minutes after the ceremony was to start, while the photographer was still taking photos of the couple, and none of the 10 people in the bridal party was lined up, with no professional wedding coordinator, and after finding the couple on the opposite side of the venue,  and telling her she looked lovely and that it was nice to finally meet her, I had the audacity to say to her the wedding needed to start.

She didn’t appear to be upset at the time.  It was only after I received notice of a review from her that I knew she was upset with me.

Who is accountable for starting the ceremony at the agreed upon start time?  That is now a question on my contract which every couple needs to answer with the name and phone number of the person accountable for making sure it starts on time.

My contract is because of bad experiences I’ve had in the past.  Everything in my contract is from bad/awkward experiences with couples.  I haven’t updated it in a while, in fact the last time was 18 months ago; it states the couple needs to have the ceremony choice, and any changes to it to me at least 7 days prior to the wedding or I get to use the Simple Ceremony from my site.

The reason being is that 10 minutes before the ceremony started in January of 2016 a bride sent me the email with her custom ceremony.  It didn’t flow well, I didn’t have time to edit it, or even had time time to properly read it.   All because of this one bad experience, I changed my contract again.

Today I’ve changed my contract because of another unpleasant experience.  Not only unpleasant, but the couple gave me a 3 out of 5 star review.  In her review she even stated I “did a good job on the short ceremony” but that I was rude to her prior to the ceremony.   Her review number was based only on my alleged “rudeness” to her.

In the review just prior to this 3 star, the bride raved about my attention to detail and my professionalism.

*Please note what I didn’t add to my response to this bride was the following, because I was limited on character count. But I thought the reader needs to know this:

•The bride was slow to respond to me. She normally took 2-4 days to answer any of my emails, while I responded to her emails the same day;

•Since the couple didn’t hire me for the rehearsal, she wanted to meet me the Monday morning at 9 am prior to her Friday wedding.  They lived around the corner from downtown coffee shop.  They weren’t there at 9 am.  At 9:10ish the groom finally came in.  The bride never did show for our meeting.  The groom was there for about 15 minutes.

Below was the response to her:

I’m glad that Ms. Chelsee D. wrote this review.  It reminds me that what some people call rude other people call it paying attention to details and being professional.

According to the contract Ms. Chelsee D. signed, the ceremony was to start at 5pm using a short ceremony dialogue.

Since the couple chose not to hire a professional wedding coordinator, they had the venue’s Event Planner, whom was also the DJ taking that extra role, so it wasn’t necessarily an issue if the ceremony started on time or not because he was getting paid to be there during the entire event.

At 5:05 pm I asked someone where the bride was and then I walked to the other side of the venue where the photographer was still photographing the couple. A professional photographer should have paid attention to details and made sure that her job didn’t cause the ceremony to start late and for the guests to wait unnecessarily in the heat.

It was a hot and humid day, and the bride needed to touch up her makeup before the ceremony began, which she did after a few more photos by the photographer.  The photographer was hired for hours, so it did not matter to her what time the ceremony started.

Unfortunately, as much as I would love to be able to delay the start of a ceremony as needed, it does matter to me that the ceremony start on time, which is why I have in my contract where I clearly state that if the ceremony hasn’t started with “Dearly beloved…” or something similar by the time agreed on the contract, that I can cancel the agreement at 12 minutes past the agreed upon start time.  Every couple has to agree to that when they sign my contract, and no one has ever crossed it off.

The reason I can’t delay the start of a ceremony is because it would not be fair to the couple and guests of my next wedding that I am late to their wedding because the wedding prior started late; I am sure Ms. Chelsee D wouldn’t have been happy with me if I had showed up late to her wedding.

In the conversation with the bride, after telling her how beautiful she looked and that it was nice to finally meet her, I believe I said, “Unfortunately, I am the only vendor not hired by the hour. So we will need to start the ceremony.”  That is the coordinator’s job, not mine to start to get people lined up and start the processional.  It’s not my job to even approach the couple about starting. Would you ask the musicians to line people up?  How about the photographer?

There were about 10 people in the wedding party. I didn’t notice anyone lined up and ready to walk down the aisle when I spoke to the bride at 5:05pm.

I find it very unfair and in poor taste that Ms. Chelsee D. chose to use pejorative words to describe my professionalism and work ethics, and giving me a 3 star review.

After over 6000 weddings I have successfully performed throughout the years, I have learned that it is of ultimate importance for weddings to start on time, for many reasons, otherwise why have a contract?

I have married over 12,000 people and they have agreed to the 12 minute clause. If a couple cannot agree to it, then it would be best if they have a different officiant as I don’t want the next couple waiting on me and then give me a bad review because I showed up late.  I’m sure Ms. Chelsee D. wouldn’t have wanted me to show up late to her ceremony because the previous bride was still taking pictures with her photographer.

I’ve worked with hundreds of photographers over the years and most of them have a timeline to which they stick.  Many are down to the minute.  However with this photographer I never saw a timeline.

It would be easy to blame the unprofessional photographer for not being a detailed person.  But I won’t.  I stand by my contract and reasons behind it.

If given me a 3 star review is because of the photographer’s lack of professionalism, I can handle that.

Lastly, the bride is a nurse. I would hope she pays attention to details when given patients medications and treatments.

Why is it when I pay attention to details I’m called rude, but when she pays attention to details she isn’t rude as she is helping keep a patient alive?

Maybe it’s a double standard.

SaveSave

SaveSave

Advertisements
Awkward Moments · Elopements · Facebook · TV · Vendors · Weddings · What I don't know

With this ring, I _____ wed.

Yep!  Many people don’t know this phrase, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

The words thee and be sound nearly alike.  Yet they don’t mean the same thing!

Probably 30% of the time, couples hear the word wrong, even though i really enunciate the T H sound of Thee.  So I often hear, “With this ring, I be wed.”

Maybe I’m just old and know the phrase from movies and older tv shows, and English weddings, and well wait, current TV shows too!

If you can think of a good phrase to use, I’ll give you credit!

Elopements · Lipstick! · Weddings

Lipstick….

The only thing I know about lipstick is that it can look weird on a groom after the bride kisses him!

What surprises me is the reaction the bride often gives when she has purposely put on the bright red lipstick, yet is shocked when she see it on the groom after the kiss!

I’ve given away hundreds of Jos A. Bank handkerchiefs because after the kiss the groom has bright red lipstick on, the bride tried to wipe it away and now it looks even worse!!

Red lipstick can look stunning on the bride, but not so much on her groom!

Brides consider the color of lipstick you wear when walking down the aisle.

Share your experience!

 

Weddings

First look before the wedding….

…I’m not a fan of it.

Not for superstition. Not for bad luck.

To many times it’s very obvious to me when the couple has a first look before the ceremony.

What are the signs?  There are two.

First, when the person walking down the aisle looks at everyone rather than the finance.  Even waves to them.

Second, you cannot recreate the emotions you’ve had when you saw your loved one in their wedding attire, unless you are an actor!

I understand the importance of the photographer wanting to capture the first look, make it staged, and to make it very emotional.  The photos can be awesome!

However, those same emotions can’t be seen by the guests at the wedding.

If you can do the first look as your fiancé awaits for you at the other end of the aisle, I’d so go that route.  You may have more emotions.  But I think your guests will become emotional too!

Aisle Runner · Handkerchief · Minister/Officiant · Weddings

Why hire an officiant rather than having a friend officiate the ceremony?

Not to be flippant but why hire a professional photographer when a friend has a phone, maybe even a camera?

Why hire a caterer when a friend has a kitchen?

Why hire a florist when you can get flowers at the store?

Why hire a professional when a friend can do it?

Recently a very popular and beautiful wedding venue in Savannah told me about a “horrible” (their words not mine)  experience with a guy who went online and “got” ordained just to officiate the ceremony of people he didn’t know but hired him for their ceremony.

At the ceremony he went on and on for 10+ minutes about another couple from another state.  He’s a great story teller and the story was interesting but it didn’t fit with this couple’s wedding day!  And the ceremony was over 30 minutes in length, nearly a 1/3rd was a story that didn’t even fit the wedding.

Simply because someone goes online and gets ordained for a minimal cost, doesn’t make them qualified to preside at a wedding.  It makes them legally able to officiate a ceremony, that’s different!

Here are things which 99% of officiants don’t know and are important for a great ceremony!

  1. Have a good quality handkerchief for either the grooms perspiration or the bride’s tears, or both!  I’ve given away hundreds of them over the years, maybe even 500.
  2. I know the best way to have exchange of rings go absolutely smoothly!  I should patten it!
  3. Listen for the pauses when the couple repeat their vows.  It’s important to listen for their emotions when they speak, listen don’t rush.
  4. How loudly should I speak during the ceremony if they don’t want a microphone for me?
  5. No stories off the cuff!  The ceremony dialogue is known ahead of time by the couple.
  6. Who stands first when the bride walks in?
  7. Is an aisle runner a good idea?
  8. What to do during awkward moments?
  9. The wedding ceremony is not from the bible.  “Jesus was a guest at a wedding the Cana of Galilee” is about the best one can do other than the readings often read at weddings.

Let me know what questions you have about hiring the right officiant for your ceremony.  You don’t even have to hire me to officiate your ceremony.  I don’t mind helping!

Microphone · Outdoor Location · Weddings · What I don't know

To Microphone or Not to Microphone?

Recently I was asked this about an upcoming wedding:

So sorry, forgot to ask, but do you bring a microphone and small portable speaker? If not, no big deal, we can project our voices!

To have a microphone/PA system or not to have it; i get asked this often. One would think it’s a simple answer to that question, but it’s not.

Not to have a microphone for me is fine. However, it comes with drawbacks.  Having a microphone comes with drawbacks too. You’ll have to decide which is best/most important for you two and your guests.

This is from my experience.

Have you ever raised your voice in frustration?  Maybe even calling for a pet?  In doing so it changes your emotions. I can project my voice, that’s not the problem.  I’ve learned how to do it and keep the feel of the ceremony the same.  However, it’s sorta like YELLING in ears of the couple.  Yes, that is sort of an exaggeration, but not much.  When I speak loudly so the people in the back of the room can hear it is like yelling at the two of you.  That in turn changes the dynamics and feel of the ceremony for you two.  Imagine listening to a TV program about romance with the TV volume level of high!  It’s sorta counter productive.

Next, the same reasoning applies for you two, projecting your voices so the people in the back can hear.  You’d sorta be like yelling at one another (again a bit of an exaggeration).  Not only is the listener affected, but the person speaking also has to change.  They are more worried about their volume level than the meaning and emotions which come with that most precious moment.

Having a microphone comes with drawbacks as well.  Yes, the people in the back of the room will hear everything.  The drawback is the actual microphone.  Yes, I’d have a lapel microphone.  People will hear me.  But what about the two of you?  Will each of you have a hidden microphone? Will the groom have one and his mic will have to be turned up so people can hear you?

If I hold a hand held microphone for each of you that would work, but what about how it looks?  I can hand each of you a microphone to hold, and that way you can still hold each other’s hand while repeating after me.  There are two different basic types of microphones: ones which are directional (blocks out all background noises) and which is omni-directional (picks up all sounds equally).  Another option is for each of you to hold the directional mic when it comes to you repeating after me.  Another option is for me to hold the omni-directional mic so it will pick up you two when you speak.

Your family will be the closest to you two during the ceremony, they will hear everything regardless of whether a microphone is used.

I could provide a good quality sounding portable speaker for an additional fee.  However, it would be less expensive if you have a DJ do it.  I would have to charge for a person to be there an operate it, adjust volume, eliminate any squawk/feedback issues, placement of both speakers.  Yes, I think it’s better if two speakers are used so that the volume is balanced.

Lots of things to consider.